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Conservatives Re-Writing Bible so we Can’t Show Them Their Hypocrisy Any More

January 9, 2012
Bible & Lecturn

Those neo-Con writers better get co-authorship credits with God, or he'll pay! (Photo courtesy Flickr user Glen Bledsoe)

From last year: Conservative Bible Project Cuts Out Liberal Passages (Except, of course, that I’d put “Liberal” in quotes. Or I might do some re-writing myself and instead of putting “Liberal” in that headline, I’d substitute, oh I don’t know — how about “Christlike”??)

You know what this means, right? They’re coming out of the closet, and rewriting the Bible, so it says what they want it to say, dammit, instead of what God said! It’s about time he learned that they’re in charge, and they will rewrite reality for their own convenience, right up to the very, very, very top authority.

I’ve had a theory for several years that one reason the Religious Right is so utterly, utterly vehement and nasty is that they’re the generation that followed the Jesus People, Francis Schaeffer, and the rest of them. They’re the ones that were told they wouldn’t have to be here after the late 1980s, because they’d be Raptured and they’d all get their thrones and golden streets and stuff.

And it never happened. Jesus never came back, despite all of his forerunners confidently telling the world that he would. And they are furious with him for disobeying like that! So first they tried to create the world conditions that were supposed to precede the Second Coming, so that he’d have no choice but to return, ’cause he said he’d be back when all that stuff happened.

Then he never did. And now they have embraced this world as their kingdom — still using all their god-words, still pretending to be Christians. (When really they’re Christianists, using this doctrine as their tool of power. They worship the ideology itself.) Their supposed “Christianty” is what gives them such credibility, dontchaknow. But this time, Christianity is going to be what they say it is. And if the tome they tout as “God’s word” contradicts their decrees and talks about things like giving all you have to the poor of helping those in need — by golly, they will rewrite the damn thing.

You wonder if King James is rolling in his grave. Or, perhaps, if Jesus is. ‘Cause they’ve buried him for sure this time. And if he dared to come back now, those torture-loving folk who think poor people should be left to die (or even helped along on that path if they disagree with the Ruling Religious) would be sure to waterboard the Saviour right back where he came from.

(And they scoff at Mormons for thinking they’ll become gods. Ha!)

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